Yesterday’s snow induced somewhat of an intense lethargy. Yes I went to crossfit at 5:30, however, all the other parts of the day was filled with total laziness. Today, the leftovers–a tiny headache. Since this is so, I’ll say nothing more and instead post the next installment of the script.
INT. LOG CABIN - MORNING Seated on the bed, Damian watches Charlie freshen up. Charlie makes eye contact with Damian. CHARLIE What? DAMIAN I don't know. You tell me. CHARLIE You're staring. You need something. More wine? Oh sorry. We ran out of it. Maybe some feta cheese. Woah, oh God, forgive me. That's all been eaten. What could you possibly want? DAMIAN How are you feeling? CHARLIE (sarcastic) You really want to know how I'm feeling? Aww. You care. Well, I feel pretty fucking humiliated and stupid. DAMIAN I'm sorry. CHARLIE Yeah, okay. Charlie opens the cooler. Pulls out a dozen eggs. CHARLIE (CONT'D) We need to do something with these eggs. DAMIAN We can have an egg fight. CHARLIE I was thinking more like deviled eggs. Got any paprika? Damian jumps off the bed. Lands atop Charlie. Punches him the face. Will dashes in. Face flushed. WILL You have to stop. DAMIAN Why? The fun's just beginning. WILL I'm serious. They're coming. EXT. ISLAND WATERFRONT - MORNING Less than five nautical miles from shore, the speed boat approaches. Damian and Will duck behind a shrub. DAMIAN The boat's not headed in our direction. WILL Sure it is. DAMIAN Look. The speed boat veers to the right. WILL Where... DAMIAN I have an idea...but you've gotta hide. EXT. BAY- MORNING Damian slows his rowing down till he sees the speed boat anchored to the docks. EXT. DOCKS/SPEED BOAT - LATE MORNING Damian ties his row boat to the speed boat. Climbs on board. Opens cabinets and drawers. Finds nothing. Someone clears her throat. Damian looks up. Finds Kate, her eyes welling up in tears. KATE It's Aunt Bella. DAMIAN What about her? KATE She's not well. Damian jumps atop the docks. Holds Kate's shaking arms. DAMIAN How can she not be well? She seems fine. I was just with her this morning.
9 thoughts on “Lethargy”
I’m filled with questions about the first scene. Where is Charlie freshening up? In a mirror? Is it in a bathroom? I find myself trying to determine the logistics of Charlie “making eye contact” with Damian while also being able to tell he’s being stared… Also, shortly thereafter, Charlie opens a cooler – is Charlie done freshening up? And, I have immediate doubts that they have the ingredients/capability to make deviled eggs considering the previous conversation involving food. By the way, don’t use “late morning” in a slugline, just say “day” – “day” and/or “night” are preferred in sluglines, as they are directives related to shooting the signify whether sun is needed or not. Sometimes, you can sprinkle in something other than day or night, but don’t constantly use times like “late afternoon” etc…
Thank you for the comment. Charlie is freshening up at the sink. I see the need now to make that clear. As for the “deviled eggs” that’s Charlie’s way of digging into Damian. Charlie feels unwelcome and humiliated. Charlie’s sarcasm gets the better of him, hence Damian’s response. The two are clearly sick of each other.
This script, as mentioned in the introduction, only made it to page 33. As the page numbers increased, my confusion took over. Any further commentary that would improve my screenwriting skills would be most welcome.
Admittedly, I may be unaware of some backstory regarding the “deviled eggs.” I don’t even know what pages of the script these occur in (this is the first thing I’ve read from your blog after perusing “screenwriting” related blogs. The important part is to be open to honest feedback, which you seem to be, so that’s good. Admittedly, I still don’t know if this sink is in the same room as Damian (like a sink that’s outside a bathroom) or inside a bathroom… and it seems like a small thing, but my mind gets tripped up on it and I get taken out of the story and spend time trying to figure out the “how” of how this is all occurring, as opposed to focusing on the story.
How would I relate that the sink is in the same room as this action. Perhaps, it’s something that I explain in the initial layout of the room? This is an old style one room log-cabin. There’s a sink but no toilet. Pushed back into the woods is an outhouse. So far, that outhouse has never been mentioned nor has a scene been set there.
Well, you’ve already got an improved slugline “INT. OLD STYLE, SINGLE ROOM, LOG CABIN” or some shortened, variant of that. But, just the presence of that clues me in on some of this other stuff…
I believe I may have described this log cabin in an earlier scene.
Hello again, I’m having trouble centering my dialogue. When I’m creating my post, I have the dialogue centered, but when I click “publish,” everything comes out on the left margin. I notice your dialogue is centered as it should be. What am I doing wrong?
If your original script is in Final Cut, save it as “Text with Format”. Then when in WordPress, you can cut and paste it from that .txt document. Make sure that before cutting and pasting, the setting reads “Preformatted” (that will be found in the drop down bar underneath Bold and Italics).
I had an issue where WordPress ignored my formatting. I switched browsers and everything was fine. Hope this helps.
Thanks for comeback. I’ll try what you said.