Something tol’s me that he secretly wants me. Seen dem wandering eyes as he fixes de ‘ngines. So strong, I seen him bend things without a sweat drop going anywhere. Maybe one sizzled on a rock beneath him once. Been watching him for too long. He’s five years older den me. He may been in the same school as my older brother, Jim.
The first I seen him was playing basketball. He wore no shirt. Made me wanna jump over the bleachers, push him to the ground. Dat was so long ago. Now, he don’t play any ball games. Just fixes cars and maybe reading dem books.
Musta been when I was in tenth grade, few weeks before dropping out, Jim saw some scribbling on a napkin – Amanda ‘N Zack foreva! He laughed and laughed saying, “You think Zack wants you, Amanda? A simple little girl. Fahget it. Just fahget it. He goes for hot hot girls. Get out of those sweats and maybe he’ll take you.” Take me where? To his bed? To the zoo? To the movies? Jim just laughed. Made me feel shitty.
We was at the diner, Jim and me, when I saw Zack came in. Jim musta forgotten about the napkin scribbles. My eyes only saw Zack. He looked so skinny yet strong. Wore a muscle shirt. On his arm’s a tattoo of a baby dragon dancing on a building. The artist was so good you can see far away fire burning.
“You okay,” Jim snapped. His fingers snap when he gets mad. I nodded but looked back at Zack. Zack Blueman. Amanda Blueman. Sounds prettier than Amanda Jenkins. Shit, do I got the name of a banker or what? When I marry Zack Blueman, I gonna be his receptionist. Gonna answer the phone, “Blueman Motors. Dis is Amanda. How can I help you?”
Those days will come soon, I tell ya. He and me gonna get all naughty and stuff when we shut down for the night. Do it on a broken BMW. Screw till the sun comes out again.
Jim’s voice started rising in the diner. People stared. I don’t know what Jim be saying but boy did my cheeks get all red. Even Zack looked over. He was eating an apple pie with ice cream. I tol’ Jim to be quiet but he just kept saying over and over again, “What are you looking at, girl? Why’s you stupid all of a sudden?” I got’s angry back saying, “Can’t I look at what I want? All day and night I hear yur stupid voice. Shut up for once, Jim, and eat yur food.” Dat don’t settle Jim at all. He just get all worked up. Smacking the table. Throws ketchup at me. People surrounded the table thinking we gonna start a brawl. We both apologized and stuff but when alone he whispered some mean stuff. I so embarrassed I just left. Took a glance over at Zack who be slurping some chocolate milk. Damn, he look so good!
The heat burn my skin as I walk somewhere. Anywhere. Thought of a garden, a pretty one growing blueberries and ginger. Nah! Too far. Thought of an ice cream shop that plays nice music. I’s already eaten. Home sounded nice. Home where I can stick chairs under the doors so Jim don’t come in. I’ll sit upstairs laughing at Jim’s hollering and banging as I touch myself thinking of Zack.