List Day

Today’s List Day. This means I shall list where my attention has been lately–

Reading two books. What Is The What and The Poor Mouth. At night, I alternate between the two of them.
There are few TV shows that intrigue me. During the snow storm, I caught up on ABC’s Scandal. Totally up-to-date, I have a bloodshot left eye. Do Mac computers emit a violent ray?
Starting a business that will incorporate aspects of my previous jobs. Since this is in the conception stage, I will hold back discussing it further. Speaking of my old job, I’ve written an essay that outlines my experience there. Although incomplete, I’m considering uploading it here in segments.
Following the Paleo diet. I find myself hungrier as there’s no bread/gluten to stuff me. In addition to eating tons of greens, in the form of raw soup (thank you, Israel), meat, fish and eggs, I’m also loading up on Larabars. One week in, this diet, has improved my performance at CrossFit and has cut an inch or two off my waist. Could someone in Italy survive on the Paleo diet?
Continuing the novel. My progress is slow here. Once my business has picked up, hopefully in the next two weeks, I can dedicate more time to it.

What Is Love?

Love is knowing that all your needs and wants are available at your fingertips.

Love is rolling in the dirt.

Love is running around with the animals.

Love is playing with the children.

Love is the allowance of tears streaming down your cheek.

Love is finding a safe space to express your rage.

Love is acceptance of terror and fear.

Love is watching the forest expand.

Love is allowing yourself to expand.

Love is nourishing the garden of life.

Love is meditating.

Love is finding comfort in your naked body.

Love is healthy eating.

Love is wild dancing.

Love is splashing about in water.

Love is falling asleep on fresh sweet soil.

Love is embracing your moments of solitude.

What does Love mean to you?

Dead Zone

It feels quiet online. Everyone must be gearing up for the Super Bowl. I’ve been invited to a gathering but like most social occasions will skip out on it. You see Netflix released House of Cards starring Kevin Spacey. The show chronicles the lives of congressmen. It’s rare for me to give a shit about politicians. Yet as I write this I remember dreams involving two presidents.

Countless times, George W. Bush made an appearance. As much as I had, at the time, detested the man, in the dream, Bush showed his vulnerability. He cried when discussing the pain he might have inflicted upon the world. He laughed appropriately. Upon each awakening, I wondered if in this realm we’d get along.

A few days after New Year’s, I dreamed of Obama. In the dream, he showed his musical side. He sang and danced. Together, we celebrated economic improvement.

I haven’t forgotten the analysis of the unfinished script titled Descent. I am, however, working on something big. Not a script. Yes, a novel but I speak of something else. A rewarding career. Once this has been fully formulated, I’ll share what that is.

Happy Superbowl Day!

Amanda #7

Author’s Note — This will be the last Amanda post for awhile. Enjoy!

***

The days before Jim and Amanda were quiet, almost too quiet. Richard and Dahlia, two young lovebirds, cruising around in a convertible, listening to the sound of wind crash into their eardrums. At sunset, they’d find a spot off the California freeway, set up camp and start a fire. After a canned dinner, Richard would pluck his guitar while Dahlia dreamed of a warm place with wall-to-wall carpeting. Kids would roam the house, books in either hand, a smile planted upon their faces. After a hard day’s work, Richard would come home, leap upon the trampoline with the kids, then once the rest of the house had settled in, the couple would slow dance to either classical music or jazz. The next morning, the entire family all dressed in pajamas seated around the breakfast table with an array of smoked salmon, cereals, pastries and tea. Unfortunately for Dahlia, this family never existed…trouble from the get-go.

Jim possessed the most irritating brilliance to Dahlia. He seemed to know the answers to rather complicated matters long before her. It would just blurt right out him. Dahlia, of course, as his mother, refused to accept that perhaps he was onto something. Kids, she’d rationalize, what could he, they, any of them know? Yet a fortnight later and many dollars tossed into the pockets of too many strangers, there arrived the answer. The same one Jim had blurted out. He’s a smart one, Dahlia surmised. Then a week a later, a new problem would arrive and the whole cycle would start over again.

When the problem of Amanda arrived (otherwise known as her birth, according to Jim), neither parent knew what to do. Even Jim was perplexed. After many attempts at getting to know and care for his baby sister, five-year-old little Jim suggested drowning “that bitch”. This would lead to “Jimmy, where’d you hear that word from” but Dahlia knew; from the mouth of a man on the other end of the sliding glass door smoking a cigarette out on the decaying deck. A hundred and fifty therapists in, not a single one knew how to tend to her raucous daughter.

After one wild lovemaking session, Richard proposed, “It’s time we accept Amanda for who she is.”

“Richard,” moaned Dahlia, “who the fuck is she? I mean, I don’t know what to say to her half the time. She freaks me out. Doesn’t she freak you out?”

Richard groaned, “Sometimes.”

“Sometimes! Sometimes? She’s impossible. Maybe Jim was right. Maybe we should drown her.”

“Are you fucking loony? Dahlia, seriously…you really think we should drown our own daughter?”

Roaring in laughter, “It would make life easier on us.” Tears coated Dahlia’s face, “I don’t know how to deal with this, Richard. It feels like I’m in a madhouse every day. This isn’t the life I dreamed of. You know that!”

Lost for words, Richard ran his finger up and down Dahlia’s spine.

Versatile Blogger Award

Nearly two months up and this blog receives an award. Thank you so much Rohan7Things. You are a truly inspiring and talented blogger.

I’d like to change something up. Initially, it states that the “rules” to receiving the award are the following:

Display the award certificate on your website.
Announce your win with a post and include a link to whoever presented your award.
Present up to 15 awards to deserving bloggers.
Create a post linking to them and drop them a comment to tip them off.
Post 7 interesting facts about yourself.

Let’s make them recommended guidelines. Should you be nominated do as you see fit. Okay so here we go.

The deserving blogger nominees go to:

Writing out the seven interesting facts about me will probably take thirty minutes:

I’ve been practicing something called Right Use of Will since 1997.
The majority of my friends, for some odd reason, tend to be at least twelve years younger than me.
During my freshman year in college I would consistently stay up till five in the morning. All the other years, prior to and thereafter, I tend/tended to be asleep by midnight and awaken at sunrise.
For the most part, I’ve been journaling since 1993.
I acted in my first homemade movie when I was ten. That movie went unedited. God only knows where the footage went.
Although I’m a filmmaker, I only own one movie. That is Harmony Korine’s Trash Humpers.
My last real intimate relationship was back in 2002.

Errors And Twisted Writing

Nothing bothers me more than errors in a finely combed document. Does this ever happen to you? You write something, put it away, then return to it a day or so later. Edit the hell out of it, read it six thousand times only to determine it’s ready to go. Published (or sent if it’s an email), you read it one more time and bam, there’s an error. It’s so tiny yet it drives you insane. You question your professionalism.

Yesterday, while in the city I met an incredibly intelligent recent college graduate at Barnes and Noble. We spoke of arts, economy, films, TV and writing. Before parting ways, he asked if I have anyone to read my work, that is before it’s published or sent off via email/mail courier. At this point, no, I told him. I’d like to see this become manifest. This might be a good tactic for all. Someone who gives a balanced approach to the work. Shares what works and what doesn’t. Someone who won’t take it personally if the advice isn’t taken.

Beyond the irritating errors, there’s also the twisted writing. A great example is my previous post. Mid-writing that, a most triggering email came in. Why I even look at my email while writing is beyond me. But I did. I do. Taken over by rage, my writing fell apart. It was as if I took a huge dump on everything.

Writing is an ongoing lesson. You try different things. If it doesn’t quite fit, you try something else.

Been awhile

Readers, it’s been way too long. In these 24-hour blocks there are only so many things that can be accomplished. Posting this one entry seems like a feat unto itself.

What have I been doing, you might ask. Working on the Amanda piece. At first, I thought, I’d publish the Amanda stories without discussing it. Now, I realize it’s becoming a novel. The next segment to be posted is the end of Chapter One. This I’ll give you. Anything after that, you might have to wait till it comes out in hardcover.

Yesterday, I started an essay detailing the most bizarre four years of my life working at a traumatic brain injury facility. January 30th marks the one-year anniversary since I last stepped foot into that building. Once written, maybe I’ll shit in a cup, celebrate with a jar of pennies, who the fuck knows.

My moments away from the writing pad/computer are focused on reading and searching for paid work. The latter proves to be such a nightmare. Ugh, just thinking about this triggers me.

Amanda #6

“There’s a place men go when they pass out. In this realm, everything feels like fur. The temperature though can burn your skin off. This is why, my beautiful mother, oh lovey dovey you, I will take this bucket of ice cold water and pour it directly over father’s body. The freezing cold water will shock him out of that ugly hot realm and then all four of us can resume our get-together. You can get back to the kitchen. Zack, Father and I can resume our business meeting. So, step out of the way,” Amanda struggled with the bucket of ice water. “How de heck did dis get so heavy,” she thought. “I brought da damn ting in hee-ya.”

Dahlia stepped out of the way, shaking her head, “What if this doesn’t work?”

Bucket three inches off the ground, “Then…call…the…ambulance.” Water and ice soaked Richard along with the brown shag carpet surrounding him. Richards sprang up from off the floor, gasping for air.

“Damn it, Amanda. Holy fuck! What…” In the far corner he noticed Zack, both eyeballs swirling about in a mad race. Which eyeball will take in the most information? Richard wiped ice cubes off his chest, “Dearest me! What a trip that was. It was like getting lost in a golden retriever…from hell. Hope that didn’t disturb you too badly, Zack boy.”

“Nope. Glad you returned, Mr. Jenkins.”

“Same here,” Richard cracked his knuckles and then climbed atop the seat from where he fell. “Please, Zack, I urge you to call me Richard.”

“Richard…”

“No!” Richard interrupted. “Everyone calls me Richard. You can call me Dick. Seriously call me Dick.”

“But you said…”

“Bah! Earlier. Didn’t know you like I know you now. Amanda, dear, why don’t you leave me to chat with Zack? Your mother might need help in the kitchen. Isn’t that so, dear?”

Dahlia nodded, “It is a mess in there.”

Amanda rushed over to Zack, massaged the back of his neck, insisting in baby talk, “Just as wong as you don’t hoo-at my pwecious Zacky.”

“Zack’s safe with me, baby doll. Go help your mother.”

Amanda walked backwards observing Zack’s every move, assuring that not a single gesture was missed. Once in the kitchen, Amanda grabbed a steak knife, jabbed into her mother’s side, “Aiight biatch, here’s how it’s gonna go. You gonna clean. I gonna cook.”

Dahlia yelped a round of laughter. “You silly girl, what happened to that beautifully speaking person? You only talk that way around Zack?”

The knife dug deeper into Dahlia’, “Listen biatch, gonna stick you if you fuck around any longa. Clean dis fuckin’ shithole.”

Amanda #5

What to do when one’s daughter transforms into a medieval princess? Not so much in appearance. God that could take years! But each gesture carefully calculated. Her sentences flowing together like two perfect streams, clear and rich with life.

Amanda bowing and waving her hand, ordered her parents to set the dining room table, which for years stored junk mail and gifts waiting to be returned. “At once,” she snapped. “Our guest here has come with a proposal, one that needs your greatest attention. Get to it!”

Bemused by Amanda’s sudden metamorphoses, Richard and Dahlia restored the dining room to its original appearance; a masterpiece of a room fitted for elegant guests, something that had not occurred since the Jenkins first moved in. Real estate brokers and bankers toasted expensive champagne. The Jenkins pushed to the back, peering through the crowd of suited men and women, like strangers in their own new abode. Once the guests left, Richard bolted the door shut demanding “this shit’s never gonna happen again. Not in my home.”

Twenty-five plus years later, there Richard was dressing the room, vacuuming the dust off the table, taking on the role of butler as his daughter, regal as ever, led Zack Blueman to a chair,

“You’ll sit here. Next to me, darling.” Once seated, squeezing his inner thigh, “Tell me, how can my father be of assistance to you?”

Zack squirmed, wondering whether it would be polite to ask his young hostess to remove her hand from his junk. His junk? Yes it slowly rode up his inner thigh. She practically could masturbate him. He stammered, “Eye eye eye’m not sho sho shore.”

“You must have something in mind,” her hand raised but then planted itself onto Zack’s biceps. Squeezing and squeezing…had he become a plastic toy? “Father, sit down. Let’s be reasonable here.”

Richard bowed and then took the seat closest to the kitchen. In case she needs anything, Richard pondered. Anything she needs, a fruit bowl, fondue, bowl of soup, ham sandwich. Anything he needs! A quick polish on his leather coat. A tune-up on his motorcycle…wait he can probably do that himself. What can I do for this young man? What does he want from our family? What is he doing here? Hush, Mr. Jenkins, should you return to your old mean self, your daughter might turn to trash. White trash. That’s the direction she was heading. Fucking skunks and eating directly from a dumpster. So listen, maybe this man is a Prince from a foreign land. Maybe this is why his weird behaviors inside the walk-in closet, how long ago was that, twenty minutes ago, that sounds right, but maybe that’s why things were so strange. How does a man tell another man that he’s from a foreign land? Not just foreign but from another time period all together…and to possess magical powers such as transforming his beast of a daughter into this sophisticated young woman. Oh the Prince is opening his mouth about to say something. I shall listen.

“The deal is this,” Zack slurred. Amanda’s incessant squeezing induced a drunken state. “You and me, me and you can team up. How large is your fleet?”

“Fleet?”

“Construction vehicles. How large is the fleet?”

“Oh that,” Richard burst into hysterical laughter.

This hysteria proved alarming to Dahlia. Covered in flour and chocolate sauce, she rushed in, dropping to her knees, “Richard, what’s with you?” His face beet-red, lacking oxygen, Richard smacked his kneecaps. “Can you breathe?” Richard fell forward, knocking Dahlia to the floor. Once pulling herself out from underneath her husband, Dahlia assessed Richard’s health. In a matter of seconds, her face went pallid.

“Mother, what is it?”

“Where’s your cell phone?”

“What cell phone?” Amanda had never possessed a cell phone. She judged the technology to be a soul sucker and a device exclusively for boys.

Zack withdrew a miniature square device from within his leather coat. “I got one.”

“Interesting shape,” Amanda yanked it out of Zack’s hand, flipping it around on its sides.

“Don’t break it!”

“I won’t. Where’d you get it?”

“The store.”

“There are so many stores. Which one?”

Lost in terror, Dahlia screamed, “Amanda, I don’t give a shit what store he got the cell phone from. Just use it to dial up an ambulance. Your father’s not well!”

Amanda #4

In a neighborhood of aluminum siding, it can be difficult to differentiate one house from another. Compact that atop camouflaged numbers that truly can be inscribed anywhere, inside the mailbox, beneath one of the shingles, upon the insert of the homeowner’s wallet, it can lead to a disastrous route for any visitor. This was not the case for Zack Blueman. Despite his roving eyeballs, the man was born with a knack for accurately guessing house numbers.

When a loud shriek emitted from somewhere inside the house he had intended to visit, Zack feared this was a bad time. Seems to be his life story. Always arriving when unwanted. Jumping out of his mother’s womb in the midst of a formal gala. Ruined her thousand-dollar dress. Little six-year-old Zack awoke to a urine-soaked bed. He sauntered through the dark hallway into the living room where his naked parents and another couple, also naked, groped one another.

Had it not been for someone screaming his name after the loud shriek, Zack would have left. He stumbled down the blue stone pathway. He stopped and peered through the broken window where on the other end, a man and woman, both in their early fifties, sat on the floor, playing with glass.

“I’m Zack Blueman.”

Richard, taken out of a reverie, replied with a shrug. “So? I’m Richard Jenkins.”

Zack climbed through the broken window, hand extended, “Perfect, you’re just the man I’m looking for.”

“Me?”

Dahlia coughed, “Uh…my hand.” Zack had stepped on the woman’s hand.

“So sorry,” Zack lifted Dahlia’s hand. Kissed it several times. Richard cleared his throat but was muted by a storm evolving upstairs.

“That’s our daughter.” Dahlia wiped the glass off her lap and stood up. “I’ll go check on her while you two…” What did this Zack character have in mind with her husband? Kill him? Eat his limbs? Dahlia feared she’d been overtaken by madness, left the two men, her sentence still incomplete.

“Forgive my wife. She’s a bit awkward with new people.”

Zack’s attention was fixed on a plastic rocking horse that both Amanda and Jim used as toddlers. He squatted and in that crouched position walked over to the plastic rocking horse. “How cute,” Zack pet its mane. “What’s his name? His?”

“Yeah,” Richard shrugged. “Don’t think it was named. Probably “horsey”. What can I do for you?”

The volume of the storm upstairs intensified. Zack extricated himself from the horse and leaned into Richard. “Can we go somewhere private? This is a little…”Zack pointed at the broken window.

“Right, right. Come with me.” Richard led Zack into a large walk-in closet directly beneath the staircase. A clip-on light illuminated blue. “This private enough?”

Zack closed the accordion door and nodded. The man moved his lips but not a sound emitted.

“What? Why are you here,” Richard grew impatient.

“May I call you Dick?”

“No. Nobody calls me Dick. Not even my own mother.”

“That’s fine, that’s fine. Listen, I know what you do and well, I think we can cut a deal.”

“A deal? What kind of deal? Quit speaking nonsense,” Richard grabbed the handle to the accordion door.

“Wait,” Zack placed his hand atop Richard’s. “Construction’s your trade, isn’t it?”

Richard, unmoved by Zack’s enthusiasm, “Yeah, why?”

“I fix motors!” Above them, thunder rolled down the stairs.

“Okay…”

“No! Don’t you see? We can cut a deal!”

Has the boy before him gone totally insane? What kind of deal could possibly be cut between a construction foreman and a lunatic who fixes motors? His eyes darting around, capturing fractals of blue light. Fearing a seizure might take over, Richard blurted, “We’re done.”

“Done?”

“Get out of my house?”

The accordion door, without warning, swung open, the two men flying forward into Amanda, wearing blue spandex pants and a white t-shirt a bit too tight on her, “Fuck you, Dad! Zack’s not to leave evah! Evah! Now, how can my foddah help you, Zack?” Her voice squealed when saying his name.

Amanda #3

In the twenty-three years of living, Amanda could only count six full days where her parents went without arguing. In those six consecutive (yes, consecutive) days, her father suffered laryngitis. Dahlia, her mother, did everything possible to restore her husband’s brooding coarse voice. How she loved fighting! Had Dahlia been born male, she either would have pursued boxing or studied criminal law (not that a female couldn’t become a boxer or a criminal lawyer. Just a little bit of insight into the strange mind of Dahlia Jenkins). Instead, she became a florist. Most of Dahlia’s arguments with her husband revolved around money that had gone or was planning to go into her business. Richard argued, “Enough is enough, Dahlia! How much fucking money you want to put into this damned business? Each year your business profits. Each fucking year I have to delay putting a new deck in the backyard.”

Richard, a simple construction foreman, had a point. The Jenkins deck emitted a croaking sound anytime someone stood three feet from it. In that state, one expected to fall right through while standing directly upon it. This deck was where Richard would take his daily cigarette, one hour after dinner. It would settle his mood. Give him enough juice to argue the rest of the night with Dahlia about one thing or another. Then once the kids were snoring away, Dahlia and Richard would go at it, pouring love juice upon one another. It was as if their arguing was nothing more than a mask for their sweet tenderness underneath. Richard would have to take his smokes leaning against his car. Sometimes he’d take a stroll to the neighborhood park where jocks wrestled one another, wearing nothing but a pair of boxer briefs. “Faggots,” Richard would moan but for one reason or another, even after the deck was repaired, would return to these wrestling boxer-brief wearing jocks.

The day Jim disappeared with a bag of dirty clothes, Richard and Dahlia returned home saying nothing to one another. Amanda feared the glass shards had killed them. Instead it mesmerized them. The two sat on the floor like toddlers, picking up the glass, then released it back onto the carpet. “Wild how gravity works, Richard.”

“Tell me about it, Dahlia.”

“What da…ya both stoned or what?”

The two proceeded as if their plump daughter wasn’t there. Amanda thundered up the stairs cursing her “stupid, idiotic parents. Who da hell do dey tink dey are?” Once inside her unkempt bedroom, she ripped off the oversized shirt covering her tan frame. Standing before the mirror, Amanda dreamed of a skinnier body, one that would overwhelm Zack Blueman.

“Oh Zack Blueman,” Amanda hissed while caressing her smooth hips. “Take me away from dis wee-ahd place.”

As if God him or herself was hiding in Amanda’s closet, a motorcycle pulled up in the driveway. The tremors from the vehicle shook the whole house, knocking a framed print of Michael Jackson off the wall in Amanda’s room. Approaching the fallen picture, Amanda could see through the window, some muscular being removing a black helmet, lightning bolts on the side. Once the cyclist’s face was revealed, Amanda let out a high-pitched shriek.

Amanda #2

Poor little girl, lost as ever. Between her brother’s insidious ways and Zack’s wandering eye, Amanda paced to and fro in her bedroom. She wondered whether it was chocolate or vanilla ice cream Zack had consumed with his apple pie. Created some sort of rationalization that if it’s chocolate then perhaps he’s sexually charged. In some woman’s magazine, perhaps Elle, Amanda read that men who consume chocolate on a regular basis have a high sex drive. But chocolate ice cream and apple pie? Yuck, thought Amanda. Vanilla ice cream tends to combine better with apple pie. Vanilla, according to this article, when consumed by a male, signifies low sperm count. “Subconsciously,” Amanda read, “a man eats the vanilla thinking that it’s his own sperm.” Although those words scattered across her brain, Amanda saw something else—

Zack in a midnight blue robe, its belt dangling at his sides. He mouths the words, “Ready for it?” Amanda licks her lips. He extracts his forty-foot penis whereupon a laser beam of vanilla ice cream sprays her in the face.

Crash baloom! Jim didn’t even bother knocking or hollering. He just knew that Amanda would pull some maneuver. Either that or he saw through the windows, dining room chairs pushed up against the doorknobs. All of them.

Once inside, Jim dragged the dining room chairs under the table and stormed into his room whereupon he filled a plastic bag with dirty clothing. Amanda watched him.

“Going somewhere, Jimmy?”

“Like you care!”

“You stick around here and yeah I care! Doing laundry?”

Jim shoved his middle finger into Amanda’s nose and then marched out the house like a spoiled teenager.

A mad grin took over. Amanda figured with Jim possibly gone she can invite Zack over. There’s that beat-up MG in the garage. He could come by, check under the hood and while he’s leaning into the dusty engine, she can grab his ass. If only she knew his number.

“No Blueman a hundred miles from me. Dat’s nuts!”

“Can I help you with anything else, madam?”

“Madman?”

“No,” the operator laughed. “I said ‘Madam’. M-A-D-A-M.”

“It’s spelled B-L-U-E-M-A-N.”

The operator hesitated, clearly doing everything in her power to contain her frustration, “Let me repeat, the nearest Blueman is one hundred miles from you. Have a good day.” Dial tone.

The Publish Button

There’s a deep inner need to publish…right away, that is. It’s as if the idea already created in WordPress, saved, locked away from vultures, cannot remain in draft format. Why not let the idea sit there, collect a little bit of digital dust? Do I fear the idea, after a good night’s rest, will become nullified? That my Scorpio stingers will emit a toxic ray into the piece, tear it down, leave the page empty again. God forbid empty pages appear out of nowhere! Do they all need to be filled?

Starting now, that little blue publish button on WordPress will be on lock-down. I guarantee that the words before you will have sat overnight. Call it slow cook publishing. It gives my mind to catch up with my wild soul. It is my soul that writes. My mind that edits.

What has not edited though is the last bit of the unfinished screenplay titled Descent, directly below. I’ll go into an analysis on this script in a future post. Right now, I’d like to thank the Gods, the Muses, the creative forces above, below and elsewhere for aiding the scriptwriting process. Sure the concept is a bit immature but had it not been for this script, it’s likely there would be no blog. I’m looking forward to hearing thoughts on where this script could go, if anywhere. Are the characters interesting? What confuses you? What do you need more of? Ahh! Here it is…

              EXT. LOG CABIN - DAY

               Will lifts a floorboard off the porch.   Reaches his hand
               inside.

               Nearby, a rifle is cocked.   Kate points the gun in Will's
               direction.

                                   KATE
                         Looking for this?

                                   WILL
                         Oh God, Kate.  I was coming to look
                         for you.

                                   KATE
                         With a rifle?

                                   WILL
                             (laughs)
                         Well, that was just in case...

               Kate lowers the rifle.  Hands it to Will.

                                   KATE
                         You see, Will, we are nothing
                         alike.  Knowing you, you'd show up
                         with a loaded rifle and then blow
                         my brains out.   Go ahead.  Shoot
                         me.   

               Will places the rifle underneath the porch.  Covers it with
               the loose floorboard.

                                   WILL
                         No.  Damian will be here soon.   He
                         needs your help. 

                                   KATE
                         Why?

                                   WILL
                         His friend, Charlie, got injured. 
                             (beat)
                         How's your aunt?

               Kate withdraws a cigarette.  Lights it.  Takes a few puffs.

                                   KATE
                         Not well.

                                   WILL
                         Can I see her?

                                   KATE
                         Never.

                                   WILL
                         We've become friends.

                                   KATE
                         As friendly as you were with my
                         daughter?

                                   WILL
                         They're here!

               Damian pushes through the thicket.  Charlie, unconscious,
               draped over Damian's shoulder.

               Kate runs toward Damian.  The two lower Charlie to the
               ground.

                                   KATE
                         You should have left him where you
                         found him.

                                   DAMIAN
                         Did what I thought was right.

               Kate pushes Damian out of the way.

                                   KATE
                         Leave me.  I'll be alright.

               INT/EXT. LOG CABIN - DAY

               Will cracks open a beer.

               Damian grabs the bottle of beer from the youth.

                                   DAMIAN
                         You crazy?   Kate's right outside.

                                   WILL
                         So?

               Damian peers out the window.  Observes Kate tending to the
               unconscious Charlie.

                                   DAMIAN
                         So, she's a stickler.  She sees you
                         with that beer and you'll be back
                         on the mainland in some sort of
                         institution.   

                                   WILL
                         I'll probably wind up there anyhow.

                                   DAMIAN
                         Will!

               Will reaches for the bottle of beer.

                                   WILL
                         Give me a sip.

                                   DAMIAN
                             (beat)
                         A sip.

               Damian clutches the bottle as Will takes a sip.

               Thirst quenched, Will takes a seat on the bed.

                                   WILL
                         I need you to distract Kate.

                                   DAMIAN
                         C'mon!  What the hell you gonna do?

                                   WILL
                         Pay a visit to Mrs. Argrove.

                                   DAMIAN
                         No.  Not while Kate is here.

                                   WILL
                         You kissing Kate's ass.

                                   DAMIAN
                         I'm protecting you.

               Kate rushes through the front door.

                                   KATE
                         This isn't looking good.   We need
                         to get him back to the mainland.

                                   DAMIAN
                         What's wrong with him?

                                   KATE
                         I don't know.  But he needs a
                         doctor.  Badly!

The First on Reading

Ladies, Gentlemen and Ogres in Disguise:

This post on reading feels like the first of many. As a human that longs to express myself in the deepest way possible via writing (and other forms…acting, filmmaking, music, etc.), I cannot imagine a life without reading. Sure, a quick tour of People magazine might offer some insight. The type of reading I suggest is one that challenges. One that might lose you for a page or two. One whose characters are so unlike you that you either wrinkle your nose in disgust or dive so deep into the book, it appears that you and the printed pages are conjoined twins. Doesn’t matter the genre. Could be a non-fiction book about a sweaty old genius who loves his ginger snap cookies but beats his kids. Could be a novel about a ginger snap cookie that teases kids with its sweetness, taking them away from their sad lonely widower father.

In the anthology Writers on Writing, Saul Bellow wrote a short essay, “Hidden Within Technology’s Empire, a Republic of Letters”. Here, Bellow discusses how technology has, in so many ways, taken over our reading time. Sure, we spend our time responding to texts (which, of course, must be read). Words though are being shortened. There’s the LOL’s, OMG’s and FML’s. Are these acronyms here because we’ve forgotten how to spell the words properly? Or is it that we live such a rushed life, no time for writing, must get to the next text? LOL.

In writing about technology and these new digital acronyms, I say there’s nothing wrong with any of this. As this piece is written, my cell phone sits a foot and a half away. Should it light up, my eyes gravitate toward it, taking my attention away from this. Please, though, I urge you to take just a simple thirty minutes a day to read something meaningful, something that challenges you. It could be read on the can, the subway, in a doctor’s waiting room. Your life, I guarantee, will be enriched.

Amanda #1

Something tol’s me that he secretly wants me. Seen dem wandering eyes as he fixes de ‘ngines. So strong, I seen him bend things without a sweat drop going anywhere. Maybe one sizzled on a rock beneath him once. Been watching him for too long. He’s five years older den me. He may been in the same school as my older brother, Jim.

The first I seen him was playing basketball. He wore no shirt. Made me wanna jump over the bleachers, push him to the ground. Dat was so long ago. Now, he don’t play any ball games. Just fixes cars and maybe reading dem books.

Musta been when I was in tenth grade, few weeks before dropping out, Jim saw some scribbling on a napkin – Amanda ‘N Zack foreva! He laughed and laughed saying, “You think Zack wants you, Amanda? A simple little girl. Fahget it. Just fahget it. He goes for hot hot girls. Get out of those sweats and maybe he’ll take you.” Take me where? To his bed? To the zoo? To the movies? Jim just laughed. Made me feel shitty.

We was at the diner, Jim and me, when I saw Zack came in. Jim musta forgotten about the napkin scribbles. My eyes only saw Zack. He looked so skinny yet strong. Wore a muscle shirt. On his arm’s a tattoo of a baby dragon dancing on a building. The artist was so good you can see far away fire burning.

“You okay,” Jim snapped. His fingers snap when he gets mad. I nodded but looked back at Zack. Zack Blueman. Amanda Blueman. Sounds prettier than Amanda Jenkins. Shit, do I got the name of a banker or what? When I marry Zack Blueman, I gonna be his receptionist. Gonna answer the phone, “Blueman Motors. Dis is Amanda. How can I help you?”

Those days will come soon, I tell ya. He and me gonna get all naughty and stuff when we shut down for the night. Do it on a broken BMW. Screw till the sun comes out again.

Jim’s voice started rising in the diner. People stared. I don’t know what Jim be saying but boy did my cheeks get all red. Even Zack looked over. He was eating an apple pie with ice cream. I tol’ Jim to be quiet but he just kept saying over and over again, “What are you looking at, girl? Why’s you stupid all of a sudden?” I got’s angry back saying, “Can’t I look at what I want? All day and night I hear yur stupid voice. Shut up for once, Jim, and eat yur food.” Dat don’t settle Jim at all. He just get all worked up. Smacking the table. Throws ketchup at me. People surrounded the table thinking we gonna start a brawl. We both apologized and stuff but when alone he whispered some mean stuff. I so embarrassed I just left. Took a glance over at Zack who be slurping some chocolate milk. Damn, he look so good!

The heat burn my skin as I walk somewhere. Anywhere. Thought of a garden, a pretty one growing blueberries and ginger. Nah! Too far. Thought of an ice cream shop that plays nice music. I’s already eaten. Home sounded nice. Home where I can stick chairs under the doors so Jim don’t come in. I’ll sit upstairs laughing at Jim’s hollering and banging as I touch myself thinking of Zack.

Diminishment of Bread

What a literary juggler I’ve become. Every day, I must wrestle myself with what to write. The new script? Post a new entry? Another secret admirer letter? Oh shit, did I just admit to being the author of 7,213 secret admirer letters to 7,213 random people?

While lying in bed last night (no, I’m not going there, pervert), I decided to discuss the diminishment of bread in my diet, effective as of January 2nd. Sad but true. How I love my bread, my biscuits, my scones! Bread and everything related to it negatively effects my performance at CrossFit. Yesterday, while doing box jumps, I found myself jumping higher. Something about the combination of my blood and bread that increases the force of gravity. Since I know so well the taste of bread, biscuits and scones (yum yum yum and yum) and I don’t know what it’s like to jump really high, I’ve chosen the latter. Once I’ve jumped four feet high, I’ll test to see if the chemistry in my body has changed by increasing my bread intake.

I was wrong. This is the penultimate posting regarding the script entitled Descent. Here ya go–

EXT. LOG CABIN - DAY

A small rubber handball bounces against the porch. It lands
in Will's hand. He suddenly jumps off the porch and climbs
up a tree.

Footsteps land on the porch. Damian reaches for the doorknob.

Will pulls his arm back and shoots it directly into Damian's
back.

Damian spins around. Searches for the pitcher.

Roaring in hysterical laughter, Will falls out of the tree.

DAMIAN
Jesus, Will.

Damian rushes over to Will. The boys continues on with his
hysteria.

WILL
You should have seen your face.
You were so scared.

Damian thinks twice before handing Will the ball.

DAMIAN
Hate when you do that shit.

WILL
I don't do it that often.

DAMIAN
Once is enough.

WILL
Making nice-nice with Kate?

DAMIAN
Her aunt, Mrs. Argrove, isn't well.

Tears well up in Will's eyes.

WILL
How? What's wrong with her?

DAMIAN
Don't know. She's a manic.

Will stands up. Tosses the ball into the woods.

WILL
Damn! What about Kate? Will
she...

DAMIAN
She's focused exclusively on her
aunt.

Will starts to walk away.

DAMIAN (CONT'D)
Will, wait!

WILL
What?

DAMIAN
Where's Charlie?

A concerned expression washes over Will's face.

EXT. WOODS - DAY

Damian and Will walk side by side, tossing the rubber
handball between them.

WILL
You think Charlie stalked you?

DAMIAN
Well, Kate didn't send him. She
only saw him once in the office.

WILL
And you believe her?

DAMIAN
Why would Kate lie?

WILL
Cause she's a bitch.

DAMIAN
You two have got to find common
ground.

WILL
I don't got to do anything.

Damian sticks his arm out. Prevents Will from going any
further.

Several yards away, Charlie lies unconscious.

Damian rushes over to Charlie, feels the man's heartbeat
against his neck.

DAMIAN
Go get Kate.

WILL
Me?

DAMIAN
Fine. I'll get her. You carry
Charlie to the cabin.

WILL
Right...

Damian laughs as Charlie runs off.

CrossFit

There’s something about endorphins that induce a certain madness in me. It’s a safe madness. It forces me to rush to a computer or a pad of paper, write out something brutally honest. This was the case on New Year’s Eve. Many things can get my endorphins going. Refraining from masturbation for days at a time, taking a hike in the woods or an intense workout at CrossFit.

It was late April when I started working out at CrossFit. Six weeks earlier, I started a cleanse. My goal before the cleanse was to become a raw vegan. Mid-cleanse, something new came in. I sensed a super intense workout was needed, one that wouldn’t get boring after a few months. After much research, I happily stumbled upon CrossFit (it’s recommended that one consumes a paleolithic diet for the best results). Here we are early January 2013 and I’m still participating in this great workout program. It paid off as I’m now one of two members of the month. Check out the write-up.

It saddens me to announce that this is the penultimate post whereupon the script will be posted. The blog, of course, will continue. Kudos to those who have commented on the script. Please remember that the script is both incomplete and unedited. There’s a chance that someday the piece will reach completion. Another more pressing story has taken over. As of Sunday, I’ll begin drafting this up. I doubt this new script will make it to the blog. The process of writing it will be mentioned extensively.

INT. BELLA'S PLACE. BEDROOM - LATE MORNING

Lying in bed, with skin as blue as the sky, Bella gasps for
air.

Kate hands Bella a steaming cup of tea.

KATE
Take this.

BELLA
(mouths)
Thank you.

Bella takes a sip of the tea. Coughs up pink phlegm.

Damian hands Kate a box of tissues.

Kate wipes the pink phlegm off her chin.

DAMIAN
Kate, can we talk?

KITCHEN

Kate pours boiling water into a cup.

KATE
Want a cup?

DAMIAN
Sure. Kate, is your aunt
delusional?

Kate's face turns beat red.

KATE
Excuse me?

DAMIAN
Relax. I'm asking out of concern.

KATE
It's been ages since I've seen her.
You know that.

DAMIAN
She claims Charlie's a woman. A
demon woman, to boot.

Kate hands Charlie a cup of tea.

KATE
Charlie? Careful it's hot.

DAMIAN
The man, or woman according to your
aunt, you sent here.

KATE
I wouldn't send my worst enemy
here. Putting anyone, anything
near that rodent child, would be
tragic.

DAMIAN
Kate...

KATE
I'm sorry. That's an insult to
rodents.

A loud shriek emits from the bedroom.

BEDROOM

Kate and Damian rush in.

Bella's seated on a rocking chair sewing.

KATE
Aunt Bella what are you doing out
of bed?

BELLA
Sewing.

KATE
You're ill. Get to bed!

Kate grabs Bella's hand but the old woman pushes her niece
out of the way.

BELLA
Don't tell me what to do. I'm
sewing now. I'll go to bed when
I'm tired.

DAMIAN
Why'd you shriek?

BELLA
What did you say?

DAMIAN
You shrieked? What happened?

Bella holds the sewing needles like a dagger.

BELLA
I don't know who you think you are
but I'll tell you. You are a sick
man doing sick things for evil
people. I'd watch my tongue if I
were you.

Kate reaches for the sewing needle.

KATE
Aunt Bella...

BELLA
Don't "Aunt Bella" me, young lady.
(beat)
Both of you, leave me. I've got a
blanket to sew.

Bella's focus shifts directly onto the unfinished blanket barely
covering her kneecaps.

Happy F’ing New Year

Just me and an eight ounce glass of seltzer. Sweat seeps out my pores. There’s the big looming question–Pretend to have fun tonight with a bunch of “friends” or go off somewhere far away, get wasted in a diner, fuck a disease-infested whore somewhere and then come back months later, bearded, speak only in Farsi and just sit there selling guns, crack anything to keep me afloat, put some money away as three months later my AIDS-infested baby will pop out of the bitch’s womb. Hard choice if you ask me.

2013! Woo-hoo! I can hardly wait. Here’s how I see it. I’m gonna shit honesty. Yeah, this might turn some of you off but really…do I fucking care? I wasn’t put here to have everyone on this planet like me. As a matter of fact, I could do a little toilet flushing. Get in. My fingers are riding the handle. Go back to your homes, your countries, as your energy does not truly resonate with me.

Feels like eons that I’ve been taking care of one too many people. How it felt as if I was walking on egg shells, fearful that any crack, I’d fall through a haunted abyss. Mid-flight, an ogre would gobble pieces of me up. As I’d take my last breath, that ogre would be the individual I was tending to. How fucking convenient!

2013, what is it? It’s the year of me deciding whether or not I got time for you or not. Be prepared to wait a long fucking time because ladies, gentlemen and ogres in disguise, I’m taking care of myself first. My health, my writings, my passions, my everything. Call me a narcissist, my middle finger will be waiting for you.

So, happy fucking new year!

Lethargy

Yesterday’s snow induced somewhat of an intense lethargy. Yes I went to crossfit at 5:30, however, all the other parts of the day was filled with total laziness. Today, the leftovers–a tiny headache. Since this is so, I’ll say nothing more and instead post the next installment of the script.

INT. LOG CABIN - MORNING

Seated on the bed, Damian watches Charlie freshen up.

Charlie makes eye contact with Damian.

CHARLIE
What?

DAMIAN
I don't know. You tell me.

CHARLIE
You're staring. You need
something. More wine? Oh sorry.
We ran out of it. Maybe some feta
cheese. Woah, oh God, forgive me.
That's all been eaten. What could
you possibly want?

DAMIAN
How are you feeling?

CHARLIE
(sarcastic)
You really want to know how I'm
feeling? Aww. You care. Well, I
feel pretty fucking humiliated and
stupid.

DAMIAN
I'm sorry.

CHARLIE
Yeah, okay.

Charlie opens the cooler. Pulls out a dozen eggs.

CHARLIE (CONT'D)
We need to do something with these
eggs.

DAMIAN
We can have an egg fight.

CHARLIE
I was thinking more like deviled
eggs. Got any paprika?

Damian jumps off the bed. Lands atop Charlie. Punches him
the face.

Will dashes in. Face flushed.

WILL
You have to stop.

DAMIAN
Why? The fun's just beginning.

WILL
I'm serious. They're coming.

EXT. ISLAND WATERFRONT - MORNING

Less than five nautical miles from shore, the speed boat
approaches.

Damian and Will duck behind a shrub.

DAMIAN
The boat's not headed in our
direction.

WILL
Sure it is.

DAMIAN
Look.

The speed boat veers to the right.

WILL
Where...

DAMIAN
I have an idea...but you've gotta
hide.

EXT. BAY- MORNING

Damian slows his rowing down till he sees the speed boat
anchored to the docks.

EXT. DOCKS/SPEED BOAT - LATE MORNING

Damian ties his row boat to the speed boat. Climbs on board.
Opens cabinets and drawers. Finds nothing.

Someone clears her throat.

Damian looks up. Finds Kate, her eyes welling up in tears.

KATE
It's Aunt Bella.

DAMIAN
What about her?

KATE
She's not well.

Damian jumps atop the docks. Holds Kate's shaking arms.

DAMIAN
How can she not be well? She seems
fine. I was just with her this
morning.

The Quiet After Christmas

The day after Christmas can be eerily quiet. Since I was raised Jewish, the question of what happens in a Christmas-celebrating household arises. In the homes where alcohol’s permitted, I assume there’s much drinking…perhaps under the Christmas tree. There’s the game, How Far Under The Christmas Tree Can You Get. Kids are excluded from this game as they aren’t allowed to consume alcohol (maybe in some households kids do drink…yikes!). Once under the tree, someone measures the distance. There’s an art to getting out from underneath the Christmas tree. Can it be done without ruining the tree? Do any baubles fall off? In a drunken stupor, has tinsel accidentally been torn off?

In the sober homes, I see adults and children praying obsessively. Maybe the men remember their drunken days…the days when they considered themselves “heathens”. They go out in the freezing cold, stand behind an evergreen, a much larger version of their Christmas tree (undecorated, of course), shivering as they light up a cigar. Every now and then, they check to see if their mothers are peering through the windows, “Oh, where did Johnny go? It’s his turn to lead the prayer!”

On December 26th, these two groups, the alcoholics and sober Christmas celebrators, meet up for a tug-of-war. They literally take a thick rope, one that mid-game could rip skin off if careless, and tug. They do it over a raging fire. “Doesn’t matter who wins,” yells Jesus. “I love you all.” The tuggers can’t hear. They’re too busy trying to win. Eventually one group, the alcoholics, of course (not because they’re alcoholics, ethically speaking, but because the blood-alcohol content is so high. They think only of sleeping or grabbing another bottle of rum), fall near the raging fire. No flesh burned! The sober Christmas celebrators jump up, scream so loud that even Jesus has to place His hands over His ears.

Their breath recovered, the two groups visit a warm eggnog push-cart, run by some Egyptian fellow. They care little for his name. “What a nice man,” they all agree. “So what if he’s Muslim. He’s handsome. He’s always laughing. It’s clear he cares about everyone.” Empty cups, the two groups hug, part ways, head into their proper households. And so maybe, just maybe, this is why it’s always so quiet the day after Christmas.

Action

Several years ago, I wrote the beginning of a screenplay. Maybe the total page count went to eight. All the scenes were pure description and action. The action, though, was of a woman bathing. She then washed her hands. It then cut to a man walking on sand. Very dull action. Not sure what I was thinking back then.

The excerpt I’m posting today has one short action scene, almost reminiscent of a Charlie Chaplin film. Prior to this scene there’s a moment that segues into a flashback. This moment can easily be interpreted as sexual. I can tell you it isn’t. And no, Will is not pregnant…just in pain.

INT. LOG CABIN - MORNING

Damian closes the battery cover on the cassette player.
Glances over at Charlie whose curled up on the floor, snoring
a way. A grin takes over Damian's face. He pushes play.
Mozart's Requiem in D Minor broadcasts.

EXT. ISLAND WATERFRONT - MORNING

A fishing pole stands up right, lodged in the sand. Will
yawns and lies down. Stretches. Rubs his belly.

MATCH CUT TO:

BEGIN FLASHBACK

EXT. SCHOOLYARD - DAY

JESSICA, a bright-eyed curly-haired girl bundled in winter
gear, rubs Will's belly.

WILL
Does it feel weird?

JESSICA
Feels normal to me.

Jessica withdraws her hand.

WILL
It hurts.

JESSICA
Go see nurse Kate.

WILL
Why do you call your mother, "Nurse
Kate"? That's creepy.

END FLASHBACK

EXT. ISLAND WATERFRONT - MORNING

Mozart's Requiem in D Minor intensifies.

A sharp bend in the fishing pole. Will crawls over to it.
Lifts it out of the sand. Tugs the pole side to side. The
bend in the pole intensifies.

Will digs his feet deep in the sand. Struggles with the
strength of whatever might be caught on the hook. Sweat
drips down his arms. Looses grip on the pole. It flies
into the water. He goes after the pole but it moves too
fast.

Will kicks the water, screams and shouts. He stops short.
Squints.

In the distance, a speed boat approaches at a rather rapid
pace.

Will runs out of the water, hides behind a shrub.

The speed boat continues straight on course.

Will runs into the woods.

Vulnerability

Things haven’t exactly been easy lately. Yesterday was the end of the world, apparently. What the shit was that? Talk about tone setting, my God! Imagine this, you wake up, stretch, do your morning prayer, head down to the kitchen, pour yourself some orange juice, pop on NPR only to hear, “…the world will end on December 21st, 2012.” Excuse me? End? Really?

I don’t care what belief system one has, this end of the world crap had to have affected everyone in some form another. Looking back, I was a lunatic. Read the posts from the last few days. Bitching and moaning. Deleting them crossed my mind. My greater self vetoed that idea. The whole purpose behind this blog is to show my vulnerability. It’s real. It’s who I am. I think of these posts as excerpts from some classical sonata, where all the emotions are represented in some form.

Speaking of classical music, here is the next segment of the screenplay–

EXT. RURAL ROAD - DAWN

In exercise clothes, Damian leaps over the cracked pavement.
Continues his morning run. He stops suddenly.

In the distance, a hunched over silhouetted figure canes its
way through the broken road. It's Bella.

DAMIAN
Hey.

Bella squints, clearly confused by the distant voice.

BELLA
Hello?

Damian makes his way over to Bella.

DAMIAN
Mrs. Argrove, what brings you here?

BELLA
Bird watching. There was this
most unusual bird.
Looked like a flamingo but it was
turquoise. So darn pretty. Well,
a dog bark must have scared it.
Flew over here. I had to follow
it.

DAMIAN
Just you?

BELLA
Just me? Of course! Who else?
Thomas has been dead for twelve
years.

Bella retrieves a handkerchief from her pocket. Blows her
nose.

DAMIAN
Sorry, I didn't mean...

BELLA
Got this damned cold. I've been
meaning to tell you. Be wary.

DAMIAN
No need to worry. My immune system
is as strong as an ox.

BELLA
Phaw! Not talking about your
immune system. Talking about some
lady. She came into the store. I
sold her a red dress.

DAMIAN
Mrs. Argrove, that's not a...

BELLA
Red because of the devil. That's
right. She's got the devil in her.
Been praying ever since I saw
what's in that behemoth's eyes.

Clearly amused, Damian places his hand on Bella's hands.

DAMIAN
Mrs. Argrove...

Bella yanks her hand out from underneath Damian's. She
trembles. Her dentures nearly falling out of her mouth.

BELLA
She's found you! I can feel her in
your essence.

DAMIAN
You insist she's a woman.

BELLA
Because she is. A demon woman.
Come with me.

INT. STORE - MORNING

Damian shifts about uncomfortably as Bella pulls out boxes of
cassettes.

BELLA
Where is this? I just saw this a
few days ago.

DAMIAN
What are you looking for?

BELLA
It's this cassette. You like
classical?

DAMIAN
Yeah, I guess.

Bella beams a grin. Puts on the radio. Mozart fills the
room.

BELLA
Oh, Bastien and Bastienne. One of
my favorites.

DAMIAN
Never heard it.

BELLA
Well, you're hearing it now. Ever
dance to opera?

DAMIAN
I rarely dance.

Bella holds out her hands. Damian grabs them. The two swing
side to side.

DAMIAN (CONT'D)
Mrs. Argrove, this is really
nice...

BELLA
Isn't it? Listen to that voice!
How beautiful!

DAMIAN
It's quite beautiful. Listen,
Will's alone with that woman you
speak of.

Bella gasps. Breaks away from Damian.

BELLA
Is he? Well, we need to get you
home. First...

Bella turns back toward the boxes of cassettes. Grunts as
she pulls out a pile of them. Shuffles through them.

BELLA (CONT'D)
Ah, here it is. Take this.

Bella hands Damian the cassette.

DAMIAN
What's this for?

Bermuda Triangle of Communication

I need a documentary filmmaker to follow me around. Nobody in their right mind would believe some of the shit that goes down. The gist of it…there’s a Bermuda Triangle of communication, where emails and phone calls just obliterate. Some examples. The one minute plus film I made a few days ago, I had submitted to something called Artist Strike. Thrice, they were contacted but heard nothing back. Not even a simple, “Thank you for the submission but this doesn’t match what we’re looking for.” Another example, I’m in the process of producing a video for a local sports supplement store. Put an ad on craigslist for a bodybuilder. It’s been up for several weeks now. Finally, one individual emailed me at four in the morning with a photograph. Looked perfect, so I responded. He, like all my correspondents, disappeared.

This is no longer angering to me. It’s totally absurd. Since I can’t film this myself (without some odd contraption, that I don’t have, attached to my body) I urge a documentary (or mockumentary) filmmaker to contact me. Email me at sazerfilms@gmail.com.

After The Mania

“What’s up with Johnny? Don’t ya know he’s got that awful voice when he’s in that terrible mood I mean my God, what’s gonna happen to him? I swear, Margaret, sometimes I wanna take that fucking kid and drown him. Just take that worthless bastard and shove his head in the fucking toilet bowl and then at the very last minute, right before he turns blue, release him. Smack him around and shit. What kind of fucking demon is he? Making a fortune off of wounded souls! Ah shit, he’s at it again. JOHNNY! SHUT THE HELL UP OR I’LL RACE IN THERE AND GIVE YOU A SMACKING!”

Ben kept at it all night, irritating Margaret as she dozed off. Shook her. Trembled in the bed, fearing that Johnny would charge into the bedroom, kitchen knifes displayed like a violent deck of cards. Smash! Right in the neck. No, he wasn’t gonna face that kind of slaughter.

“Will you knock if off, Ben! Please. I wanna get me some shut eye. Can’t a woman get some shut eye around here? Between you and Johnny, I’ll have to rent a hotel room.” She rolled over, grunted, leaving Ben awestruck.

“She never mouths off to me. Wow, she really must be tired. Fine, I’ll make my way through the frigid corridor and sit beside Johnny’s door, pounding on it after ever sharp-piercing decible.”

In the morning, indents on Ben’s back. He slept all weird. Dreamed about Johnny and Margaret having an affair…

No! The italicized words are shit! Total fucking shit! There was a streak of mania riding through my brain on the way home from the gym. They were dangerous. This here is Hollywood nonsense. Something I’ve never experienced before. An affair! Shit in my last relationship, a million years ago, I encouraged my ex-girlfriend to fool around with her band mate. I wanted to watch. Eventually, she broke up with me. Claimed that when it came to love she didn’t “know what it meant anymore.” They did fuck. Must have been good. Now they’re married with a kid, maybe two.

Pregnant With Giants

I feel pregnant with giants. The harder I push, the greater the resistance. Fragments of them fall out. They have strangenames (strange names, strangenames someone has strange names) like Zembrawr and Kendilickan. They all claim to be metrosexual, their behaviors though are asexual. The couch upon where they sit has puncture marks.

At night they keep me up. During the day, I attempt to counsel them but they’re nowhere to be found. Sometimes, a ghoulish fragment pulls me aside. He possesses no eyes. Somehow he sees everything. He tells me about a woman who will appear in my life. We’ll marry. Maybe have kids. When I press for further details, he vanishes.

What remains is emptiness and the next segment of my screenplay–

EXT. LOG CABIN - NIGHT

Damian gasps for air.

Will slides down a rope, lands inches from Damian.

WILL
This shit's crazy! What's in this
wine?

Damian snorts. Picks himself off the ground.

DAMIAN
Grapes.

Will climbs halfway up the rope, swings and shouts--

WILL
Grapes! How I love grapes!

Damian heads inside.

INT. LOG CABIN - NIGHT

On the floor, beside the kitchen sink, Charlie's curled up in
a ball.

Damian kicks him.

DAMIAN
Wake up.

Charlie doesn't budge.

CHARLIE
I'm awake.

DAMIAN
Sit up, then.

CHARLIE
Why?

DAMIAN
I wanna talk.

Charlie opens one eye.

CHARLIE
You wanna talk? That's a new one.
You never wanna talk.

DAMIAN
Why did Kate send you here?

Charlie picks himself off the floor. Rifles through the
cooler.

CHARLIE
Where's the feta cheese?

DAMIAN
Charlie...

CHARLIE
Tell me you two didn't eat the feta
cheese.

DAMIAN
We didn't eat the feta cheese.
Kate promised she wouldn't send
anyone here. What the fuck are you
doing here?

CHARLIE
If you didn't eat the feta, where
the hell is it? I did bring it
didn't I? I remember it in the
basket.

Damian pulls Charlie away from the cooler. Grabs him by the
neck. Pushes him into the wall.

DAMIAN
Was she upset?

CHARLIE
No. Everything was peachy.

Damian pushes Charlie onto the floor. Gives him a swift kick
in the back.

Will rushes in, arms flailing about.

WILL
Yo, Damian you gotta try--

Charlie spits up blood.

DAMIAN
What, Will?

WILL
The swing. You gotta try it.

DAMIAN
Yeah. I will.

Exiting the log cabin, Damian pushes past Will, nearly knocks
the boy over.

WILL
What's with him?

CHARLIE
Everything.

WILL
I'm hungry.

CHARLIE
Well, you can't have feta cheese.

WILL
Yeah, I know. I ate it all.

A Peaceful Solution To Doomsday

According to the Mayans, there are only five days left before the world ends. The behaviors of the last couple of days lead me to believe that some are acting as if this prophecy’s written in stone (well, technically it was written in stone…you get the meaning). I refer specifically to two horrific behaviors: the Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre and the shooting at the Newport Beach mall. As if the massacre wasn’t enough, a bomb threat against a Newtown Catholic Church surfaced yesterday afternoon.

Let’s just say the Mayans are correct. Come with me on a hopefully fictional journey where what we know, our roads, our loved ones, our running sneakers, our childhood dog’s tombstone, our most hated buildings burn to total smithereens by some supernatural force Friday mid-breakfast. The days that precede this so-called obliteration of what is, could go in many directions. It could be business as usual. Head to the office, drop your kids off at soccer practice, bake those delicious sugar cookies, attend your reading clubs. It could be filled with the continuance of utter hate and rage. More gun violence. Bombs explode at every street corner. Mothers are raped. Fathers are murdered. Children are kidnapped and tortured. Mass suicides.

I propose a totally different response. Bury your guns. Snip the wires to your homemade bombs. Lock your cutlery drawer. Most importantly, go inward. That’s right, GO INWARD. Go beyond meditation. Reflect on the person you are/wish to be. Feel that heartbreak that you continue to deny. Instead of acting out against the person who broke your heart, cry your eyes out. Punch a pillow. Jump up and down till you feel lighter. Feel…

Should all this sound fluffy to you, talk to someone. You have nobody in your life, call a helpline. There are people out there that do wish to help.

Below is a fragment of how I dealt with my terror yesterday. It’s a video I wrote, directed and edited all in five hours.

P.S. This video is satirical. It’s my hope, should Congress vote against extended unemployment benefits, nobody kills themselves in response.

Toni Collette

My shrine for Toni Collette exists solely in my mind. As the day passes, the thought of working with her arrives at least fifteen different times. She makes the subtlest movements that after a quick examination scream, “I am this character. I’ve always been this character and will die this character.” Regardless of the role, regardless of the absurdity, she breathes honesty.

Using Toni as a muse, I sketched out a story for a film that is so personal. It delineates my discomfort in romance and with family. I’d be delighted if she played the female lead. Who knows?

The below excerpt is not (I underlined the word not so that if this happens to be read on opposite day, it’s clear that this is not) from the story; it’s a continuation of the script titled Descent.

INT. STORE - DAY

BELLA, a shaking octogenarian, dusts the register. She
looks over at Charlie who is sifting through the ladies'
dresses.

BELLA
It's a nice selection here, isn't
it?

CHARLIE
Sure is. My wife...

BELLA
Try something on. We got dressing
rooms, ya know?

Bella canes her way over to Charlie. After examining a
dress, she violently pushes it away.

CHARLIE
Thank you but I'm...

BELLA
I think you'd look excellent in
red. Ah, I saw a nice red dress
here yesterday. Where's the damn
thing. Oops, pardon my language.
I used to never curse until my
husband died. You married?

CHARLIE
Not yet.

BELLA
Well, be patient. Someday you'll
find a man of your own.

CHARLIE
Oh, I get it! You think I'm a
woman because I'm...

BELLA
You're a beautiful woman. There's
no reason why you shouldn't be
married.

CHARLIE
Well, okay.

BELLA
Well, I speak the truth. Ah, okay
here's the dress.

Bella holds the dress up against Charlie's body.

INT. LOG CABIN - EVENING

Will downs his glass of wine.

WILL
More, please.

Charlie wearing a red dress refills Will's glass.

CHARLIE
That's a ton of wine for a boy your
age.

WILL
Did I ask for a commentary?

CHARLIE
No?

WILL
Then step away, woman.

Shivers run down Charlie's back as he steps away.

In the corner, Damian whittles a stick and hums.

CHARLIE
How long do I have to wear this?

WILL
Until either you leave or truly
morph into a woman.

DAMIAN
Knowing Charlie, he'll fall in love
with the dress but never leave nor
morph into a woman.

Damian and Will chuckle.

WILL
Woman, refill his glass.

Charlie refills Damian's glass.

Damian joins Will at the table. He hands Will the whittled
stick.

DAMIAN
What do you think?

WILL
That should do. I'll test it.

DAMIAN
On what?

Will tosses the whittled wood at Charlie's back.

CHARLIE
Fucking prick!

WILL
Exactly!

Damian and Will roar in wild laughter.

BEGIN DREAM SEQUENCE

EXT. CITY STREET - DAY

It's clearly winter. Everyone's bundled up in warm clothing
including Kate and Charlie.

Kate fishes in her pocket. Pulls out a quarter. Hands it to
Charlie.

KATE
That's all I got.

CHARLIE
I'm jonesing for a smoke, Kate.
What the hell will I do with a
quarter?

KATE
Buy gum. Kill the boy.

CHARLIE
Will?

KATE
No. Not Will.

CHARLIE
Then who?

Kate points across the street to Damian. He's dressed like
a schoolboy. Sucks his thumb.

A thick rope unravels in the air. It falls to the ground.

THUD

Damian's eyes widen.

END DREAM SEQUENCE

The Whine

It feels like forever since my last post. Life’s been rather insane. On December 8th, a letter from Department of Labor came in reminding me that my unemployment benefits could expire on the 30th of this month. My finances are in the hands of congress. This is so fucked up! All I need is one more month.

Last Monday, I visited an organization in New York City called The Actors Fund. This wonderful organization helps actors, filmmakers, writers, dancers, etc find work in everything but the entertainment industry. There are networking opportunities, seminars, career counselors, so much! Since I’ve never earned a dime in the entertainment industry, I’m in the process of asking former actors, musicians, collaborators of all sorts to write letters, vouching for my validity as a writer/filmmaker. Maybe, just maybe, I can receive their assistance. Isn’t this fucking blog enough?

In other news, this evening I’m auditioning for a role or two in a Vassar film. There’s no pay but fuck I need something in life to feel good. Yeah, I know, I sound whiny. But if you were to walk in my shoes, you’d probably be dead…or lose your feet.

Enough of “me”. Here’s the next installment of the script —

EXT. CLEARING - EARLY MORNING

Smoke rises from the log cabin's chimney.

Damian and Will run through the clearing toward the cabin.

EXT/INT. LOG CABIN - EARLY MORNING

Damian and Will duck beneath the window.

WILL
(whispers)
I'm gonna take the shot.

DAMIAN
Hold on.

Damian raises his eyes to window level. Bites his lip.
Crumbles to the ground.

WILL
What? Can I take it?

DAMIAN
No. Fuck!

WILL
What?

Will peers through the window.

Charlie smokes a cigarette while hot water boils on the wood
stove.

WILL (CONT'D)
Who the fuck is that?

DAMIAN
It's Charlie Hammond.
(loud)
What the fuck are you doing here,
Charlie?

CHARLIE (O.S.)
Oh you're back. Thank God. It's
been lonely without you. Thought
maybe you got eaten by a bear or
drowned or something. Where are
you? I'm making some coffee. Want
some?

INT. LOG CABIN - MORNING

Damian and Charlie sip their coffees.

Will's perched on the bed, his rifle aimed at Charlie's feet.

CHARLIE
(to Will)
You can have some. It's good.
Picked it up at this health food
store. Don't worry it's fresh.
Organic and fair trade...

WILL
I don't drink coffee.

CHARLIE
Well, it's here if you want it. I
mean it's like really...

WILL
I won't.

Damian slams his coffee on the table.

DAMIAN
You can't be here.

CHARLIE
I know, yes. You keep telling me.
This island must be messing up your
memory. Is this island like the
island from Lost? You know the TV
show?

DAMIAN
Never saw it.

CHARLIE
It's all supernatural. Creepy.
Only seen a couple of episodes.
Induced the worst insomnia. Had to
stop watching it.

Will leaps off the bed and signals for Damian him.

DAMIAN
What?

WILL
Outside.

EXT. LOG CABIN - MORNING

Damian and Will sit on the last step, huddled close.

WILL
You invited him. Didn't you?

DAMIAN
Will...

WILL
You just want to sabotage this
whole operation.

DAMIAN
Don't be ridiculous. The man's
obsessed with me.

A lump wells up in Will's throat.

WILL
I thought you'd fix this shit with
Kate?

DAMIAN
She's stubborn.

Will cracks the step with the butt of his rifle.

WILL
This is fucked!

DAMIAN
Calm the hell down! And loose the
rifle. He's not gonna kill us.
He's a neurotic comedian.

EXT. ISLAND WATERFRONT - DAY

Damian rolls the row boat right side up onto the sand.
Pushes the boat into the water. He then hands Charlie the
oars.

DAMIAN
Get in.

CHARLIE
Oh no, no. I need a life
preserver. How can I get into a
boat without the extra security?

DAMIAN
Charlie...

CHARLIE
Fine!

Charlie fumbles onto the boat. Once settled, he jumps off
the boat. Kicks and screams in the water.

DAMIAN
Charlie, what's gotten into you?
C'mon now. Get the hell back in
the boat.

CHARLIE
No, I can't. I love it here.
This is my dream island. It's
where I'll channel Tolkien. Trust
me. Give me a month. I'll stay
out of your hair. I promise. Just
a month.

DAMIAN
No.

CHARLIE
What's you mean no? You're
leaving and that's that.

Will jumps off a boulder. Tosses his rifle to the side.

WILL
Damian, let him stay.

CHARLIE
Really? Oh God, I love you! Ho
lord, I love you...

WILL
There are conditions, though.

CHARLIE
What kind of conditions?

A Little Blurb on the True Inner Voice

The seemingly endless search for one’s true voice. Yesterday I heard mine. It terrified me greatly. In time, you will see this voice beaming through the writing. In the meantime, I’ll post more of the script which I had titled Descent.

INT. LOG CABIN - NIGHT

Only a few items are illuminated. A rusty lantern. A
clouded up mirror. A clay mug.

Glass SHATTERS.

A hand reaches through the open pane, turns the knob.
Someone stumbles through the dark, ignites a match which
powers the lantern. Light fills the room.

Damian approaches the bed. Shakes the lump underneath the
wool blanket.

DAMIAN
Hey. Why was the door locked?

Will, shirtless and half asleep, crawls out from underneath
the wool blanket.

WILL
What?

DAMIAN
You didn't hear me come in?

WILL
No.

DAMIAN
I had to break the glass. Why was
it locked?

WILL
It was locked?

Damian moves further into the bed.

DAMIAN
Yeah. Move over.

WILL
You're here so late.

DAMIAN
I got here as soon as I could.

Damian sprawls out on the bed.

WILL
You stink.

Will crawls over Damian, reaches for the cooler. Pulls out a
beer. POPS the cap off.

DAMIAN
Where the hell'd you get that?

WILL
The store.

DAMIAN
Which store?

WILL
(laughs)
The store.

DAMIAN
Got another?

Will hands Damian another beer. Their fingers rub against
one another.

WILL
What's up with your hand?

DAMIAN
Ah, it's nothing.

WILL
Grabbed the honey locust, didn't
ya?

DAMIAN
Something like that.

WILL
Didn't think you'd make it.

DAMIAN
What? And leave you here to rot?

WILL
I wouldn't rot.

DAMIAN
Will, listen, there's someone else
here.

WILL
Here?

DAMIAN
Not here here. On the island.

WILL
Who?

DAMIAN
I don't know. A figure ran past
me.

WILL
Human?

Damian nods.

Will takes a wrinkled shirt off the floor. Reaches for his
boots.

DAMIAN
You can't be serious!

WILL
We gotta find him.

DAMIAN
I just got here. I wanna sleep,
man.

WILL
Then sleep. I'm gonna find him.

Will rushes out the door.

EXT. LOG CABIN - NIGHT

Will pulls the floorboard off the porch. Retrieves a rifle.
Grabs a hemp satchel loaded with bullets. Tosses the satchel
over his shoulder. As he steps off the porch, a hand stops
him.

DAMIAN
I'm coming with you.

WILL
Thought you wanted to sleep.

DAMIAN
I do. Let's go.

EXT. RURAL ROAD - NIGHT

Damian reaches out, preventing Will from walking any further.

DAMIAN
It was right around here.

Will pushes past Damian. Cocks the rifle. Disappears into
the brush.

DAMIAN (CONT'D)
Will! Where the...

Damian follows after him.

EXT. WOODS - DAWN

Damian lags thirty feet behind Will. At a boulder, he stops,
leans against it.

DAMIAN
Will!

Will doesn't stop.

DAMIAN (CONT'D)
C'mon, dude, what the fuck! We've
circled this island five times.
The sun's coming up.

Trembling, Will stops. He turns back at Damian. Charges
after him. Pointing the loaded rifle at him.

WILL
Did you see a figure or not?

DAMIAN
Yes. I'm pretty sure I did.

The rifle inches from Damian's forehead, Will cocks the
rifle.

WILL
I could kill you.

DAMIAN
I know, Will. But you won't. You
need me.

Will lowers the rifle. Shuffles in uncertainty.

WILL
Didn't meant to...

Will falls to the ground. Tears drip down his cheek.

DAMIAN
It's fine.

WILL
No, it's not. I don't like what
I'm becoming.

Will tears the rifle off, throws it over a stump.

DAMIAN
It's only temporary.

WILL
Bullshit.

Will crawls over to the rifle, throws it over his body.

DAMIAN
Onward?

Continuation of Script

I have this tendency to take what’s already written and do an overhaul. Although I’m trying to get out of this pattern, it’s essential an overhaul occurs. Why? Something else presses me…

Memories from my most recent job. Although it was rather nightmarish (for four years, every day, nonstop), I’ve decided to take a satirical look at it. The characters from the Descent script will be transferred over to this more personal story.

In the meantime, I will continue to post the script in the order in which it was written. Here it goes —

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

               CHARLIE, unshaven and bug-eyed paces the room.   An unlit
               cigarette dangles in his hand.  He charges at Damian the
               moment he enters.

                                   CHARLIE
                         My God!  That woman with the nice
                         hair, didn't seem happy to see me. 
                         What's up with that?  Oh, she's
                         your lady friend you were talking
                         about.   How's everything going
                         with you and her?  

                                   DAMIAN
                         Just peachy.

               Damian pours some whiskey into a glass.

                                   CHARLIE
                         "Peachy"?  Great word.   Listen,
                         I've been up all night, man.  I
                         just figured it out. I should say
                         fuck it to comedy and write books.  
                         Adventures like Tolkien.   What do
                         you say?  I mean like fuck, Damian,
                         I'm not getting any younger.   You
                         know my birthday was on Tuesday. 
                         Turned thirty-one.  Not that you
                         care.

                                   DAMIAN
                         Want any?

                                   CHARLIE
                         What?

               Damian raises his glass of whiskey.

                                   CHARLIE (CONT'D)
                         Alcohol?  Are you crazy?  It's like
                         12:15.  What the fuck man?   Why
                         would I want to drink?  I barely
                         ate breakfast.  Just a tiny bowl of
                         Greek yogurt with bananas.   You
                         ever have that combo?   Greek
                         yogurt and bananas?   It's great. 
                         You should try it.

               Damian takes a seat at the head of the conference table.  His
               face stricken with horror.

                                   CHARLIE (CONT'D)
                         What?  You're scaring me.   Stop
                         scaring me.   You're looking at me
                         all weird.

                                   DAMIAN
                         Charlie, I need you to shut the
                         fuck up and sit down.

               Without hesitation, Charlie takes a seat.

                                   CHARLIE
                         Okay.  Hi!  What's up?

                                   DAMIAN
                         I'm dropping you.

                                   CHARLIE
                         What? I thought we were tight man. 
                         Aren't we friends?  What's this all
                         about?  You can't be serious.  How
                         is this possible?   

                                   DAMIAN
                         I'm dropping everyone.

                                   CHARLIE
                         You're not suicidal are you? 
                         Please tell me you're not suicidal. 
                         If you're suicidal you should get
                         some help. Lots of help.  
                         All sorts of professionals out
                         there that can help you with this
                         kind of stuff.  Tell me you're not
                         suicidal.

                                   DAMIAN
                         I'm not suicidal.  

                                   CHARLIE
                         Wooh!  Well, that's a relief.  But
                         you're dropping everyone?   Why?

                                   DAMIAN
                         It's time.   

                                   CHARLIE
                         Time?  Time for what?

               EXT. WATERFRONT - DAY

               The day couldn't be cloudier.

               Damian, in torn khaki shorts and a fluorescent tank top,
               drags a row boat on the muddied sand.  He heads toward the
               crystalline water. 

               The boat catches onto a hump in the sand.

               Damian tugs but falls forward.   He leaps to the front of the
               boat, lifts it from the hump.   Continues pulling the boat
               toward the water.  At the water's edge, he jumps in the row
               boat.  Paddles away.

               EXT. RURAL ROAD - EVENING

               The pavement's cracked.  Regardless, Damian, out of breath,
               saunters about.   Knapsack slung over his shoulder.   

               A dark figure runs across the street.

               Fatigued, Damian grabs a tree branch.

                                   DAMIAN
                         Hello?
                             (beat)
                         Shit!  

               Damian yanks his hand off the branch.  Blood pools up on each
               finger.  He licks the blood.