If such a dreadful scratching sound had existed in my house before Merril’s arrival, I would’ve ripped my ears off long ago. Just when I thought the noise came from the kitchen, it seemed to bounce back to the den, then the foyer. I even climbed a ladder to the attic, where the damn sound seemed to originate next. Nothing.
The whole time I hunted down the source of the ghastly sound, Merril talked nonstop. He made a series of clicks and hisses. The man was mad and needed to be ejected from my home immediately.
It was unusually cold outside, and granted, he could’ve waited for animal control in his car, that is, if he had one. Then, as Merril produced another whooshing sound directly into my ear, it dawned on me that he could leave. Why wait? This was my house, after all. Maybe he had a plumbing job to get to.
“Merril,” I said, heading toward the front door and interrupting whatever crude, senseless nonsense spilled from his filthy lips. “I got it, really. It’s late, and there are some household chores I need to focus on.”
“But animal control!” Merril replied, acting as if I had gravely insulted him. “They’ll be here any moment. I do want to find out the result of this saga with the wolf.”
“I thought you’d say that,” I muttered under my breath. “Fine. How about you wait in the den? There’s an assortment of magazines and picture books. I’m sure you’ll find something to entertain yourself while I…”
The scratching sound came back even louder. This time it seemed to be directly below me.
“While you what? Jerk off?” Merril said, roaring with laughter.
Someone quicker on their feet might have said something along the lines of, “My dear Merril! How dare you! I take great offense to that. A grown man suggesting another grown man would touch himself.” Then I could have dragged Merril by his ear out the front door. “Never come back here again,” I could have hollered before slamming the door.
But no, I wasn’t that sophisticated. It was the middle of the night, and sleep called my name. I grabbed the sword, unsheathed it, and pointed it right at Merril’s neck.
