Things haven’t exactly been easy lately. Yesterday was the end of the world, apparently. What the shit was that? Talk about tone setting, my God! Imagine this, you wake up, stretch, do your morning prayer, head down to the kitchen, pour yourself some orange juice, pop on NPR only to hear, “…the world will end on December 21st, 2012.” Excuse me? End? Really?
I don’t care what belief system one has, this end of the world crap had to have affected everyone in some form another. Looking back, I was a lunatic. Read the posts from the last few days. Bitching and moaning. Deleting them crossed my mind. My greater self vetoed that idea. The whole purpose behind this blog is to show my vulnerability. It’s real. It’s who I am. I think of these posts as excerpts from some classical sonata, where all the emotions are represented in some form.
Speaking of classical music, here is the next segment of the screenplay–
EXT. RURAL ROAD - DAWN In exercise clothes, Damian leaps over the cracked pavement. Continues his morning run. He stops suddenly. In the distance, a hunched over silhouetted figure canes its way through the broken road. It's Bella. DAMIAN Hey. Bella squints, clearly confused by the distant voice. BELLA Hello? Damian makes his way over to Bella. DAMIAN Mrs. Argrove, what brings you here? BELLA Bird watching. There was this most unusual bird. Looked like a flamingo but it was turquoise. So darn pretty. Well, a dog bark must have scared it. Flew over here. I had to follow it. DAMIAN Just you? BELLA Just me? Of course! Who else? Thomas has been dead for twelve years. Bella retrieves a handkerchief from her pocket. Blows her nose. DAMIAN Sorry, I didn't mean... BELLA Got this damned cold. I've been meaning to tell you. Be wary. DAMIAN No need to worry. My immune system is as strong as an ox. BELLA Phaw! Not talking about your immune system. Talking about some lady. She came into the store. I sold her a red dress. DAMIAN Mrs. Argrove, that's not a... BELLA Red because of the devil. That's right. She's got the devil in her. Been praying ever since I saw what's in that behemoth's eyes. Clearly amused, Damian places his hand on Bella's hands. DAMIAN Mrs. Argrove... Bella yanks her hand out from underneath Damian's. She trembles. Her dentures nearly falling out of her mouth. BELLA She's found you! I can feel her in your essence. DAMIAN You insist she's a woman. BELLA Because she is. A demon woman. Come with me. INT. STORE - MORNING Damian shifts about uncomfortably as Bella pulls out boxes of cassettes. BELLA Where is this? I just saw this a few days ago. DAMIAN What are you looking for? BELLA It's this cassette. You like classical? DAMIAN Yeah, I guess. Bella beams a grin. Puts on the radio. Mozart fills the room. BELLA Oh, Bastien and Bastienne. One of my favorites. DAMIAN Never heard it. BELLA Well, you're hearing it now. Ever dance to opera? DAMIAN I rarely dance. Bella holds out her hands. Damian grabs them. The two swing side to side. DAMIAN (CONT'D) Mrs. Argrove, this is really nice... BELLA Isn't it? Listen to that voice! How beautiful! DAMIAN It's quite beautiful. Listen, Will's alone with that woman you speak of. Bella gasps. Breaks away from Damian. BELLA Is he? Well, we need to get you home. First... Bella turns back toward the boxes of cassettes. Grunts as she pulls out a pile of them. Shuffles through them. BELLA (CONT'D) Ah, here it is. Take this. Bella hands Damian the cassette. DAMIAN What's this for?
5 thoughts on “Vulnerability”
Okay, here we go… doing a little exploring on your screenwriting…
In the opening of this one you say “In exercise clothes, Damian leaps over the cracked pavement.”
In my opinion, this might be a missed opportunity. You have the opportunity to tell us something about Damian by telling us what type of clothes he exercises in. Granted, you can simply say “exercise clothes” and get away with it, but you could grab hold of the opportunity. Maybe he’s wearing a “matching blue-sweatsuit” (which could provide a little insight into the mind of the character) or maybe it’s just “mis-matching exercise clothes” (which would tell us something different about this guy), but the point is, there is an opportuinity to convey something more.
This feedback is wonderful! This is exactly what I was looking for! Thank you! Feel free to keep going.
It’s good to see someone excited about feedback. You’re welcome.
“Damian makes his way over to Bella.”
Does Damian walk, limp, strut, jog, hop or saunter over to Bella? Your way works, but I think there might be a better way.
I hear what you’re saying. The idea is to get specific….details, details, details. Mind you, this is the first draft and it hasn’t been edited, however, all this feedback now is great! It helps me approach my piece at first with a clearer eye.