Action

Several years ago, I wrote the beginning of a screenplay.   Maybe the total page count went to eight.    All the scenes were pure description and action.  The action, though, was of a woman bathing.  She then washed her hands.   It then cut to a man walking on sand.  Very dull action.  Not sure what I was thinking back then.

The excerpt I’m posting today has one short action scene, almost reminiscent of a Charlie Chaplin film.  Prior to this scene there’s a moment that segues into a flashback.   This moment can easily be interpreted as sexual.  I can tell you it isn’t.  And no, Will is not pregnant…just in pain.

               INT. LOG CABIN - MORNING

               Damian closes the battery cover on the cassette player.  
               Glances over at Charlie whose curled up on the floor, snoring
               a way.   A grin takes over Damian's face.  He pushes play. 
               Mozart's Requiem in D Minor broadcasts.

               EXT. ISLAND WATERFRONT - MORNING

               A fishing pole stands up right, lodged in the sand.   Will
               yawns and lies down.   Stretches.   Rubs his belly. 

                                                          MATCH CUT TO:

               BEGIN FLASHBACK

               EXT. SCHOOLYARD - DAY

               JESSICA, a bright-eyed curly-haired girl bundled in winter
               gear, rubs Will's belly.

                                   WILL
                         Does it feel weird?

                                   JESSICA
                         Feels normal to me.

               Jessica withdraws her hand.   

                                   WILL
                         It hurts.

                                   JESSICA
                         Go see nurse Kate.

                                   WILL
                         Why do you call your mother, "Nurse
                         Kate"?  That's creepy.

               END FLASHBACK

               EXT. ISLAND WATERFRONT - MORNING

               Mozart's Requiem in D Minor intensifies. 

               A sharp bend in the fishing pole.  Will crawls over to it.  
               Lifts it out of the sand.   Tugs the pole side to side.   The
               bend in the pole intensifies.   

               Will digs his feet deep in the sand.  Struggles with the
               strength of whatever might be caught on the hook.  Sweat
               drips down his arms.  Looses grip on the pole.   It flies
               into the water.  He goes after the pole but it moves too
               fast.

               Will kicks the water, screams and shouts.   He stops short. 
               Squints.

               In the distance, a speed boat approaches at a rather rapid
               pace.

               Will runs out of the water, hides behind a shrub.  

               The speed boat continues straight on course.

               Will runs into the woods.

5 thoughts on “Action

    1. We don’t know each other. I see you’re in Kingston. I’m in Marlboro. I’m an older guy, so a lot of this blogging and on-line communicating is new to me. I’ve been out of work and on Social Security Disability, so I have more time now than in the past. I kept journals between 1977 and 1984. I have thousands of pages of mostly random and unstructured material. I’m not sure whether I want to go back through all that stuff or just start fresh. Maybe I can do a little of both. So far, I’ve been trying to do a character profile, but sometimes I feel like that’s a waste of time, and that I should just go ahead and start using a screenplay format. Try to get comfortable with it. The more you do it that way, I suppose the easier it gets.

      1. Yeah man! I say as long as you love writing, keep at it. If you’re ever in Kingston, let me know. We can have some coffee. I know of some great places.

  1. I know Kingston a little. My Workers’ Comp attorney is on Main Street. I had an application approved recently for vocational rehabilitation through Access-VR, which is an office of the New York State Dept. of Education located on Albany Avenue. Still waiting to hear back. When I do, I’ll let you know.

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